Jump to content


Photo

A Hero's Visit Home (Revisited): Chapter One - Summon

A Heros Visit Home Sweet Dreams King Devon Queen Elsa Erasmus Fenrus

  • Please log in to reply
16 replies to this topic

#1 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 15 September 2006 - 02:28 AM

----------------------------------------------
Chapter Links:
Prologue
Chapter One – Summon (this page)
Chapter Two – Home Again
----------------------------------------------

TL-1-AHVHR.png
Chapter One
Summon

Morning arrived quicker than it was wanted for the inhabitants of the Hall of Kings. The King and Queen were in bed, embracing each other and enjoying the comfort it provided. These days, the King looked forward to the moments with his wife, because they were the most peaceful parts of the day to him.

Just last week he had been successful in talking Nova Roma to join the Alliance of Nations. It wasn't an easy task, considering the war that waged between Silmaria and Nova Roma two years previous.

They now joined Shapeir, Surria, Denya, Eastern Fricana, and the cities of Spielburg, Willowsby, Johnsburg and Betelgeuse in the Alliance - sworn by Honour and contract to assist in the aide if any of the others were attacked. (In fact, Nova Roma is the first nation not affected by the King's heroic deeds to join the Alliance. Willowsby, Johnsburg and Betelgeuse are a triangle of small villages where the King grew up, and were the first to join, along with Shapeir.)

A sudden rapping on the door brought the two lovers out of the euphoria of each others presence.

"My Lord, the Archmage wishes a word with you," came a voice from the other side of the door.

"Can it vait?" asked the Queen to the guard. Turning to her husband, she looked into his eyes, "It is too early for zis! Every time he summons a meeting vith you, it brings bad news. Can't you stay home for once, Devon?"

"Elsa, love... That bad news is precisely why I must go." He kissed her forehead, and climbed out of bed, his muscles flexing with every movement.

"Tell Erasmus I will be with him shortly," Devon yelled at the door, and started getting dressed.

"My Lord, he is, ah... He is waiting for you in the dining chamber." came the reply.

"Vell, if he vant's to meet in our home, he gets ze both of us!" She was already out of bed and pulling on her clothes.
 

--------------------


"So, dear boy. The reason why Fenrus and I..." The voice echoed throughout the chamber. Erasmus' face was formed by the chandelier, which had contorted itself to a close resemblance of the Wizard's head.

"I actually had nothing to do with this, for once..." remarked the large rat sitting on the table, interrupting the talking lighting fixture.

"Yes, well, the reason why I'm here is that I got an urgent message regarding you this morning, Orion."

"You're quite the popular person at the moment!" quipped Fenrus.

"Yes, this message was from your father."

"My... Father!?" it was more of a question that came forth from his lips than a statement.

"Yes, Myrlinus Aidendale."

"So, you got us out of bed because Devon's father sent you a message." Elsa was somewhat annoyed at the news.

"Well, yes. It was more because of the contents of the message than anything else, and Orion seemed the best candidate for the job, as Rakeesh's leg is hurting more-so in his old age than it did ever before, Danielle's not the young Paladin she once was, and as I'm sure you know, young Madrick's got his hands full at the moment."

"So, there's something going on back home? Severe enough that a Paladin is needed?"

"I'm afraid so. Five people have disappeared within the past week, and strange creatures..."

"I prefer the term 'abominations of nature,' Erasmus," Fenrus added.

"Yes, yes, I suppose you would, Fenrus," the metallic head of Erasmus continued, glancing down at the rat, "these 'abominations of nature' are attacking closer and closer to the town, that people are afraid to leave the town during the day, and lock themselves in their homes at night."

"And to top it all off, Baba Yaga's set up camp, and I smell a rat behind this, and I don't mean myself!" Fenrus nodded in addition.

Elsa looked at her husband, Orion al-Rashid - born Devon Aidendale - and she was amazed at the calm look on his face. She knew what was going through his mind, and didn't want it to happen. His family could be in trouble, and he'd do anything to help. Unfortunately, it would mean leaving his new family.

"Elsa, love" he looked into her eyes, "I have to go."

"I know," she could see the hurt in his eyes, and knew she couldn't join him. "I love you!" she placed a hand on his cheek, "Remember zat!" He smiled weakly in return.

"Then I shall inform your father of your impending arrival. Meet us at the gazebo in an hour, Devon." The chandelier smiled, then creaked back to it's original shape.

"Rather impatient, eh Ori?" Fenrus smiled at his old friend. "Listen, be careful out there. I know you can fend for yourself, but we all know how... charming Baba can be." The rat crept over and sat on the table in front of the king. "This isn't the Baba we've all come to love either."

Orion looked down at his old friend. "Meaning...?"

"It seems this is the, er, daughter of the Baba Yaga you've met. Apparently, ages ago she seduced a weary traveler by trickery, and birthed children to him."

"You mean she forced him into ze relationship!?" Elsa looked appalled. Orion looked worried...

"You said 'children', she had more than one child to him!?"

"Frightfully so," Fenrus said. "What's worse is, the lad she tricked into loving her managed in time to fight off the curse, and tried to escape."

"Tried? I have a feeling he didn't succeed..."

"No, but you've met him... You see, after killing him in her rage at his attempted escape, she realized that she did love him, even if it wasn't returned. His head now guards her hut..." Elsa looked sick in the stomach.

"Yeah, I've met him... Pleasant enough person for a talking skull..."

"Just giving you a 'heads' up. I'll leave you to get ready, and say your farewells." Fenrus reached over and patted Orion's hand with his paw. "I'll see you in an hour..." With a dazzle of light, Fenrus was gone.

Orion sat there staring at the table where Fenrus just sat. "I don't want to leave you... I don't want to leave Myron..."

"Then don't!" his wife reached over and pulled his hand to her lips and kissed it. "Don't go..."

He looked at her, tears forming in both their eyes. "I have to.. I won't be able to live knowing I could have helped, but didn't..." he was going to add 'because I was selfish', but that was a far stretch, it was love and family, but his honour as a Paladin called, and Elsa knew this.

He stood slowly, squinting back the tears, and left the room in the direction of the nursery...



#2 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 24 June 2007 - 03:00 AM

Well, here's a bump (and a grammar edit), hoping you'll all read. Kinda losing interest in writing these, which is a bit heartbreaking for me, because I've been reading and writing QfG FanFiction since I was 14, kinda feels like I'm losing interest in myself, if that makes sense.

So let me know if you'd like me to write more. I've seen this has 100+ views to it, but no replies. So if you read, post! Even if it's a virtual pat on the back! wink.gif Lets me know you're at least interested in more!

Edited by Orion, 26 June 2007 - 02:39 AM.

OrionPaladinOfPassion.gif

sigfacs.png

------------------------

FanFictions and Works in Progress:

sigsd.png

sigahvh.png

sigoutlaw.png

sigheroism.png

sigimmortality.png

Social Media: fb.pngtw.pngstm.pnghttp://www.legendsofglory.com/gp.pnghttp://www.legendsof...lory.com/gw.png


#3 mira

mira

    Hero Wannabe

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 36 posts

Posted 01 April 2009 - 07:13 PM

Your story is very interesting.Though I like the hero to marry Katrina , I still like your story. Please write the next chapter .I can't wait to read it !

#4 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 02 April 2009 - 08:14 AM

*looks around, notices the post bumpage and smiles*

I'll see what I can do - I think I still have the rough draft of the next chapter somewhere. smile.gif

OrionPaladinOfPassion.gif

sigfacs.png

------------------------

FanFictions and Works in Progress:

sigsd.png

sigahvh.png

sigoutlaw.png

sigheroism.png

sigimmortality.png

Social Media: fb.pngtw.pngstm.pnghttp://www.legendsofglory.com/gp.pnghttp://www.legendsof...lory.com/gw.png


#5 Paladinlover

Paladinlover

    Armsmaster of Glorianna!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,900 posts

Posted 04 April 2009 - 06:16 AM

You mean I didn't respond to this when it first came out? Weird. I surely would have! tongue.gif

Oh wait, I remember, I was going through the worst pit of depression I ever went through in my life at the time. frown.gif In any case, it's an interesting situation with the alliances and seeing Devon (or Orion Al Rashid. Interesting twist there), and people disappearing with Baba Yaga thrown in. Is the rest posted here?

Till next time stay cool cool.gif

"A gun is a tool, Marian. No better, no worse than any other tool. An axe, a shovel, or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that." Shane, played by Alan Ladd, in the movie Shane (1953).

"Blaming a gun for an action of a criminal is like blaming a car for some accident made by an idiotic driver." Paladinlover.


#6 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 04 April 2009 - 06:45 AM

Just the prologue here --> http://www.questform...p?showtopic=308

It's not much, but I did start re-working the next chapter. Not sure how it's working out yet - I haven't written anything in a while, and the dialogue is a bit 'off'. frown.gif

OrionPaladinOfPassion.gif

sigfacs.png

------------------------

FanFictions and Works in Progress:

sigsd.png

sigahvh.png

sigoutlaw.png

sigheroism.png

sigimmortality.png

Social Media: fb.pngtw.pngstm.pnghttp://www.legendsofglory.com/gp.pnghttp://www.legendsof...lory.com/gw.png


#7 Paladinlover

Paladinlover

    Armsmaster of Glorianna!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,900 posts

Posted 04 April 2009 - 06:51 AM

Orion, we all have that problem. Look at me, I'm trying to finish the novella for SFFworld.com (heck, I might even advertise it to some Sci-fi & magazine and maybe get published some day) and I've begun writing it in 2007... with a long haitus to the whole story and not touching it until 2009 again. Granted it has been a long time and getting reaccustomed to writing for characters and plot lines and settings that I've done years ago is a bit tough. It's made more tough by the fact that I did so much reading and research on military topics that it was on my mind the whole time when I was writing, and getting back to that groove is pretty tough... tough, but very doable. Once I'm done with the final chapter, it would officially be the longest 'chapter' I've ever written. I'm already up to 8000 words thus far! (with around 26,000 for the whole story)

Till next time stay cool cool.gif

Edited by Paladinlover, 04 April 2009 - 06:51 AM.


"A gun is a tool, Marian. No better, no worse than any other tool. An axe, a shovel, or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that." Shane, played by Alan Ladd, in the movie Shane (1953).

"Blaming a gun for an action of a criminal is like blaming a car for some accident made by an idiotic driver." Paladinlover.


#8 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 04 April 2009 - 06:52 AM

Exactly one of my problems. Especially since I've 'role played' in World of Warcraft as different characters since writing that. I've got to find the right 'groove' to get into to write what I want properly, and to have it come across in a legible, non-rushed manner.

OrionPaladinOfPassion.gif

sigfacs.png

------------------------

FanFictions and Works in Progress:

sigsd.png

sigahvh.png

sigoutlaw.png

sigheroism.png

sigimmortality.png

Social Media: fb.pngtw.pngstm.pnghttp://www.legendsofglory.com/gp.pnghttp://www.legendsof...lory.com/gw.png


#9 Paladinlover

Paladinlover

    Armsmaster of Glorianna!

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,900 posts

Posted 04 April 2009 - 07:07 AM

Roleplay... the ultimate of creativity killers. :\ Seriously, I roleplayed a lot before quitting it once and for all last Oct. I've just had enough of some of the people in where I was playing, their own lack of creativity and silliness. As well as the lack of commitment they had to playing in the first place. Unlike WOW, however, the game was a chat-based RPG meaning there was no rule, inventory, or combat system at all, everything exists solely because you wrote it. Sorta like an MAF except in chat-room format. While this allowed for some creative writing experience and dialogue and such, it was a horrible, HORRIBLE format for story writing since you often can never get anything done and it reduces any idea that could stretch for dozens of pages to just a few paragraphs. Oh and not to mention it could takes hours at time and there's no guarantee of quality or commitment, leaving you to have to start the same thing over and over and over again with different people who all suffer the same problem.

This is why it is better to ignore any kind of deal with Multiplayer RPGs and just write. An MAF like we had (and hopefully will have) here is different since the story does keep going no matter what. I hope this idea we have planned out could last quite a while. I really want to get into the groove of writing again.

Oh, and I'm learning to draw, too. biggrin.gif

Till next time stay cool cool.gif

"A gun is a tool, Marian. No better, no worse than any other tool. An axe, a shovel, or anything. A gun is as good or as bad as the man using it. Remember that." Shane, played by Alan Ladd, in the movie Shane (1953).

"Blaming a gun for an action of a criminal is like blaming a car for some accident made by an idiotic driver." Paladinlover.


#10 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 09 June 2009 - 01:41 AM

Just so you know, I've not forgotten about my fanfictions - there's a bit of things going on at work that I'm not able to do as much writing as I'd like. Chapter two of this is still in a major revision, since the first draft totally sucked (in my opinion), and I've got up to chapter seven of Sweet Dreams written, just been a bit preoccupied with other things (Warcraft included >.>).

OrionPaladinOfPassion.gif

sigfacs.png

------------------------

FanFictions and Works in Progress:

sigsd.png

sigahvh.png

sigoutlaw.png

sigheroism.png

sigimmortality.png

Social Media: fb.pngtw.pngstm.pnghttp://www.legendsofglory.com/gp.pnghttp://www.legendsof...lory.com/gw.png


#11 Elsa Von Spielburg

Elsa Von Spielburg

    Founder/Webmaster

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,637 posts

Posted 09 June 2009 - 02:57 AM

Did someone say..... Warcraft? biggrin.gif

My name is Elsa Von Spielburg and I am a Paladin.

What kind of Hero Are You?

www.theschoolforheroes.com


#12 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 28 July 2009 - 08:17 PM

I'm having a ton of troubles with chapter 2, and I have no clue why. frown.gif Maybe I'm just being to critical of my own writing or something, but I've scrapped it twice to start fresh, and I still don't like it.

Although, I've also spent a good part of the last month doing some fantasy novel reading, and I'm currently through another read-through of the last Harry Potter book (since the 6th movie just came out, I wanted to refresh myself of what happens after)

Also doing the reading to get this damn "RP" mindframe out of my head - read something with some true descriptions other than a character just 'nodding' or 'looking around'. You weren't kidding about RP being a creativity killer, were you PL? >.<

OrionPaladinOfPassion.gif

sigfacs.png

------------------------

FanFictions and Works in Progress:

sigsd.png

sigahvh.png

sigoutlaw.png

sigheroism.png

sigimmortality.png

Social Media: fb.pngtw.pngstm.pnghttp://www.legendsofglory.com/gp.pnghttp://www.legendsof...lory.com/gw.png


#13 Rath Darkblade

Rath Darkblade

    [insert clever title here]

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,604 posts

Posted 04 September 2009 - 02:14 PM

Agh. Don't talk to me about World of Warcraft... I tried that and it was fun for maybe about a few days. Then it got repetitive... agh.

As for tearing up chapters and starting again - Orion, I've been writing a new story that's taken me six years to write because I kept tearing things up and starting again. Your best friend is the wastepaper basket. wink.gif I thought it might be a fun idea to - since I was setting the story in a parody of Anglo-Saxon England - to write in a variant of "Olde English", as in "thou" and "thee" and so on (though more complicated), but I realised that it made the story much too arcane and difficult to understand. So I scrapped that idea and re-wrote the whole thing (over 200 pages of it) in modern English. Then I kept adding more and more ideas which turned into more and more chapters.

I'm STILL not happy with my final draft, but it definitely gets better and better as it goes on. The first chapter, in my opinion, is the weakest - but that's how it usually is with long stories, because you keep getting into the mindset of your characters, and through doing this, you polish them and make their surroundings more 'alive'. (I know that sounds weak, but I'm not sure how to describe it. It's a lot easier to do than it is to describe). wink.gif
My Inner Hero - Wizard!



IPB Image


There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.

#14 Orion

Orion

    Paladin of Passion / Jennifer Hale Fanboy / Brony

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,362 posts

Posted 02 September 2010 - 12:20 AM

Well, almost a year later and I've still not posted anything. I may just give in and just post what I have - proofread by myself a billion and one times and still find errors each time. >.<

I may even try for at least a chapter a month.

OrionPaladinOfPassion.gif

sigfacs.png

------------------------

FanFictions and Works in Progress:

sigsd.png

sigahvh.png

sigoutlaw.png

sigheroism.png

sigimmortality.png

Social Media: fb.pngtw.pngstm.pnghttp://www.legendsofglory.com/gp.pnghttp://www.legendsof...lory.com/gw.png


#15 crayauchtin

crayauchtin

    FACS Student

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 89 posts

Posted 05 December 2010 - 10:08 AM

Well, I would love to see more.

Maybe posting rough versions will give you the feedback you need to polish it into perfection?





Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: A Heros Visit Home, Sweet Dreams, King Devon, Queen Elsa, Erasmus, Fenrus