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Santa-Glorification: "Jingle Bell Wrath"


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#1 Rath Darkblade

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Posted 22 December 2013 - 08:07 AM

The following is a parody written from the point of view of a Santa Claus who is feeling worn down by the constant demands of kids and having to travel around the whole world in a single night. ;-)

I wrote this one in about 15 minutes, while thinking of what'd happen when Santa finally goes completely berserk. :P

Parody: "Jingle Bell Wrath"
(to the tune of "Jingle Bell Rock" by Bobby Helms)

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell wrath
Toi-let lids and snotty-nose kids
Gushin' and rushin' to get there on time
Gotta run - I cannot stop to rhyme!

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell wrath
Everyone thinks I don't sleep a wink
Taxes on waxes, I still gotta do -
You'd be barmy too!

I'm driven crazy, I'm not lazy
but I need to make toys
The kids all haunt me, then they taunt me -
Girls are nasty, but the meanest are boys!

Now I'll stock up on guns, that's what I'll do
I'll do as Rambo doth -
Shootin' and killin' 'til I'm in the stew,
That's my jingle bell wrath!

(musical interlude, punctuated by shotgun shells, grenades etc.)

Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell wrath
Cops on my tail, they threw me in jail
Dancer and Prancer will both break me out -
...t's what it's all about!

I got more ammo, I'll be Rambo
And then I'll kill the elves;
Some politicians say it's their missions,
Yeah, to stop me - they can f*** themselves...

Without me there's no gifts, plain as can be
I am on the warpath;
I'll drive a tank, then I'll nuke you and me
That's my jingle bell -
Elves can go to hell -
That's my jingle bell wrath!


My Inner Hero - Wizard!



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#2 Orion

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Posted 23 December 2013 - 03:41 PM

Beautiful!

 

Perhaps a prelude to this:

 

?


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#3 Rath Darkblade

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Posted 26 December 2013 - 08:13 AM

LOL... "There's the national guard and the FBI..." Didn't need to watch it, I know that this is Weird Al's "The Night Santa Went Crazy". :P

 

As for the question... maybe! :) But I think both the songs hold up equally well, wouldn't you say? ;)

 

I had the idea after a long and boring day at work, when suddenly the original song came on the radio, and I thought "Wait a minute......." *EVIL*

 

Cue immediate and very evil writing! :D  Glad it brought you pleasure. :)


Edited by Rath Darkblade, 26 December 2013 - 08:14 AM.

My Inner Hero - Wizard!



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There are many types of magic, but all require a sharp mind and a cool head. There is no puzzle I can't solve, no problem I can't think my way out of. When you feel confused or uncertain, you can always rely on me to untangle the knots and put everything back in order for you.