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Research Results:That Goblins Are Incredibly Moral


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#1 Almirena

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Posted 17 June 2005 - 04:57 AM

Hiya hiya hiya all. Pleased ta... oh, hang on. <scrambling sound followed by the noise of someone whacking themselves on the head>

Sorry about that. I've been undercover for 2 years, researching the GSMS (Goblin Secret Moral Society). Initially, we at Undercover Agents R Us thought GSMS was an acronym for Goblins Savage Murderous and Stupid, followed by the idea it was actually Green, Speechless, Modest and Shy. The third belief, that it referred to gherkin salad mayonnaise sandwich, proved to be really weird, and was just an excuse for us to hang around eating sandwiches all day.

Ah, back to the subject. We wanted to know what the secret handshake thing was with those goblins. We spotted them, oh yes we did. We wondered... about all sorts of things. Above all, we wondered why goblins attack one at a time rather than all at once.

Finally, the truth can be revealed. The GSMS is a highly secret society within goblin society in general, open only to goblins who are granted the right to wear a weapon and who have trained to wear either grass skirts or (the more popular option) a bush.

The goblins are instructed firmly in the procedure of "moral fighting". The humans, it is taught, cannot be attacked by a group of goblins, because the combinced body stench of more than one goblin in attack mode causes a small group of mitochondria in the human to set off a chain reaction called gobplode. All goblins within a radius of 40 screens (all of Spielburg and beyond and below!) would instantly perish.

So it is taught that it is a highly moral way of fighting - to fight one at a time. Do not help your fellow goblin brother, it's taught - he must save himself or perish. The goblin society at large is what counts!

None of the goblins ever found it suspicious that the research papers and suggested strategy was mailed to The Goblin King, c/- Spielburg Goblin Training Ground or Underground or Mountains, Spielburg, postcode 22061... and had been mailed from the FACS.

I, as an undercover agent, having taken on the disguises of a) small rocks; b) a female gobliness; c) an innocent bush; d) a cooking pot; and finally e) a meep who happened to be strolling through Goblin Hall, have conclusive evidence of this.

The mystery... is... solved.

#2 Jades Ditoyr

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Posted 17 June 2005 - 02:01 PM

The bush wasn't so innocent, from what I've heard.

*brings a goblin forward*

Goblin: Aye, that's the one! It bopped me head with a cooking pot!
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#3 Elsa Von Spielburg

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Posted 17 June 2005 - 04:53 PM

But....*thinks*

What about the part that they play a lot of pocker? Where did the gabling come from - I mean sure it's nice for someone who wants to practice and make some quick cash at the same time but.... where did the gabling come from??

*thinks more*

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#4 Grand Dad

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Posted 06 September 2005 - 08:29 AM

Aha...the 'gobliness' was thrown disgracefully out the place, her ears cut off and all her sandwiches (ought to be spelled 'saw-witches' - they were so tasteless) confiscated and given to the Meeps in exchange for their 'red fur' since the Gobs were tired of wearing green.

Another fact: they are strictly a male society and they don't welcome any females, even someone as lovely as Almirena. But then how do they keep on multiplying...a nasty question thinkerg.gif ...don't expect an answer.

Edited by Grand Dad, 06 September 2005 - 08:30 AM.

"When in prosperity give advice; when in misfortune take it".

Beyond the flight of time,
Beyond the realm of death,
There surely is some blessed clime,
Where life is not a breath!


#5 Jantje

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Posted 06 September 2005 - 10:02 AM

They multiply in a very simple way. Every time you kill one, his remains start crawling away when you're not looking and spawn 10 new goblins. That's why the corpses disappear so quickly, and why they keep coming so readily to the hero to be slaughtered. Actually, you're doing them a favour by building up their numbers. Ha!

#6 Grand Dad

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Posted 06 September 2005 - 04:55 PM

Aha! Jantje me gal so you're part of Almi's research team...I am sure she'd have welcomed you beerchug.gif on your very keen observation. Did you too disguise yourself? confused.gif or went in like a dummy (like me), eager to slaughter and get some dough for healing potions?
"When in prosperity give advice; when in misfortune take it".

Beyond the flight of time,
Beyond the realm of death,
There surely is some blessed clime,
Where life is not a breath!





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